


The Myth of the L Word

by ivoryravenjade



Category: The L Word
Genre: Biblical References, F/F, Gen, Mythology - Freeform, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Religious Spoof
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-19
Updated: 2013-12-19
Packaged: 2018-01-05 04:52:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1089824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivoryravenjade/pseuds/ivoryravenjade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the beginning was the L Word. But the Spirit of the Creator and Executive Producer was not happy with what she saw. How the Planet began and ended.</p>
<p>Religious/Mythic Spoof of the L Word with specific shots at You Know Who. Symbolism and language from the Bible, Greek/Norse myths, and probably the Lord of the Rings or something. Alice (the Seer, natch) kicks ass. Might technically qualify as RPF, just so you know.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Myth of the L Word

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this in one go after waking up; it's very silly. People who loved-hated the L Word who are from a christian background will hopefully find this quite hilarious. If you really like it, drop a comment and I might write more, because this style amuses me to no end.

# The Myth of The L Word

#### The Beginning

In the beginning was the L Word, and the L Word was with the People, and the L Word was the People. It was with the People at the beginning. And all fought, fucked, and spouted phrases of endless catching. So the Original Authors said that the Planet was good, and it was good. And the Original Authors rested.

#### The First Day

But the Spirit of the Creator and Executive Producer could not rest, and roamed the Planet day and night. She said to herself, "How can it be that the People are so satisfied with their Planet while I am still not present. I will choose a vessel to receive my stories, so that the People may witness my full glory and power, and they will bow down before me." So she searched the Planet without ceasing. And on the third day of her search, the Spirit of the Creator and Executive Producer saw Jenny, and ended her search. For Jenny was pure of spirit, a virgin in the ways of women, and lacking in any personality other than that which is common to all. 

And the Spirit of the Creator and Executive Producer took Jenny and entered her, and Jenny became her vessel and began to make out with hot chicks. And the Spirit of the Creator and Executive Producer was satisfied, and said, "Verily I can now be at rest, from now until the end of the Planet.". But Lo! The Ghost of Audience Surrogacy was also upon Jenny, and she rose up within Jenny, and said to the Spirit of the Creator and Executive Producer, "Behold, I will now cast Thee out, Demon! For the Soul of the People is with me and within me, and we will not tolerate the likes of Thee in our midst."

But the Spirit of the Creator and Executive Producer was strong, and the Network Force was with her, and the Ghost of Audience Surrogacy could not cast her out in whole. So the Spirit of the Creator and Executive Producer was divided, and a war began within Jenny. And the other Characters were thrown into disarray.

And Jenny's soul was rent, and she began to see dark visions. So she went to the Seer known as Alice and begged for insight, and the Seer consulted her holy Chart and said, "Forsooth, this shall destroy Thee, and Thy boyfriend Tim shall be driven away, and Thy girlfriend Marina shall be driven away, and both shall lose all sanity, and thus it shall be for all of Thy relationships, from now until the end of all time." And so it came to pass.

#### The Second Day

After Tim, the boyfriend of Jenny, had departed, a vast chasm remained, which could not be filled by love or friendship or kittens, but only with gold. And the Spirit of the Creator and Executive Producer said to herself, "Truly, I will win my war with the Ghost of Audience Surrogacy in time, and posses Jenny in full, but the battle will rage yet for many moons. I will therefore fashion one part of myself into a new vessel, and it shall serve me well until my victory is sure." And it was so. Her spirit took form, and was possessed of money and a penis, and was called Mark. And the others accepted him as one of their own, but he was not of them.

Still the war raged long within Jenny, but the Ghost of Audience Surrogacy was in retreat. And so she said to herself, "I do not posses the Network Force; I cannot defeat the Spirit of the Creator and Executive Producer. I will therefore abandon Jenny and find a new home, where the Soul of the People can live pure and without conflict." And she looked around, and behold! A part of herself was present already in the one they called Dana. So she entered Dana, and Dana became one with the Soul of the People.

But such was the power of the People that Dana became weak and confused and her choice of companion became uncertain. And Seer known as Alice saw her, and loved her, said to herself, "Surely this is a sign! I will go to her and lie with her, and she will be mine and I will be hers, and we will be forever." And so she went to Dana and lay with her. But Alice was blinded by her love and failed to consult her holy Chart, and her insight was thus weakened.

Also there lived with them a women known as Carmen de la Pica Morales, whose beauty was great and enraptured all who saw her. And so Carmen came unto Jenny, and made love to her, and was able to resist for a time the doom placed on her by the Seer Alice. But the Spirit of the Creator and Executive Producer saw this and said, "This must not be so! My essence must not be weakened by trivialities." And so she took her false vessel, the one known as Mark, and trained his triple mechanical gaze upon all those who lived there, and thus arose a conflict between them, and it came to pass that Carmen loved Shane more than any other and all that so cared knew it was thus. And Jenny was distraught.

And so the Ghost of Audience Surrogacy was finally driven out of Jenny, and the Spirit of the Creator and Executive Producer left Mark and inhabited her. And the empty vessel known as Mark was thus destroyed, being without further purpose, and the Spirit of the Creator and Executive Producer named his mechanical eyes "Camera." But they were dimmed until the fullness of time.

#### The Third Day

Still the Spirit of the Creator and Executive Producer was angry as she looked out over her domain. And she said, "Truly I am master of all I see. But still the Soul of the People resides elsewhere. Am I not the one destined to tell their stories? What must I now do?" And the conflict within her drove Jenny unto madness, and she left for a time. And the Soul of the People was whole, and the People were at peace.

But the Seer known as Alice was distraught; she had lost the love of her who possessed the Soul of the People, the righteous Player of Tennis Dana. And while Dana defeated her enemies in battle, Alice saw only portents of death. And after a time, Alice's friend Helena came to her and comforted her, and she overcame her loss. But the Chart still eluded her, and her foresight was lacking.

And the Spirit of the Creator and Executive Producer returned with yet another new vessel, the one known as Max, as she had grown too strong to be contained by even Jenny. But she did not inhabit Max as she did Jenny, but only used him as she saw fit. And Max became distraught and longed to become free.

And the Spirit of the Creator and Executive Producer said, "I have accomplished all these things. But still I am not satisfied! If I cannot posses the Soul of the People, I will destroy it forever." So she sent a sickness to Dana. And Dana fell ill, and in due course the sickness took her life. And the People cried out with a loud voice and were silenced, for their Soul was lost.

#### The Fourth Day

So, the Spirit of the Creator and Executive Producer saw that she was without opposition. She said, "I am ruler over all of my creation. And now my vessel Jenny shall use my holy Cameras to make a new creation. And through her I shall make out with myself. And the levels of my Meta shall be many." And so it was. The one known as Tina was deceived into assisting her, and the explosion of Characters was great.

And the Spirit of the Creator and Executive Producer grew bold, and possessed Jenny fully and utterly; they were one and the same. And she said to all who would hear, "Surely now I am greater even than Monet!" But Alice the Seer roused herself from her stupor and said, "Oh fuck! Let me get a pen!" And from that day onward she resolved to cast the Spirit of the Creator and Executive Producer away. And her Chart grew accordingly, in both size and accuracy.

But the Spirit of the Creator and Executive Producer fucked whoever she liked and whenever she liked, and the sounds of Betty were heard throughout the Planet.

#### The Fifth Day

Then walking through the desert came Denbo, known as The Dawn, and with her was her beautiful lover Cindy, and they ate gourmet food and baptised all they met with hard liquor. And over them rested the Spirits of Uncaring and Rudeness, and the Spirit of the Creator and Executive Producer smiled at the disarray they created.

And the Spirit of the Creator and Executive Producer lay with her own essence, and said to herself, "Surely my destiny is full and I will remain thus forever."

But Alice saw how bold the Spirit of the Creator and Executive Producer grew, and using her foresight plotted the ending of all days. "Due to my indolence and blindness, the Planet will be lost," she said, "but I have now seen my error." And Helena returned and took back the Spirits of Uncaring and Rudeness from Denbo The Dawn, and the Planet was saved for a time.

#### The Sixth Day

Now the Spirit of the Creator and Executive Producer knew no bounds, and she seduced Shane and stole the holy writing of Alice the Seer. So Alice tore her clothes and prophesied aloud, "Thou goest to far, Spirit! For Thy sin is too great, and not even Thou canst prevent the fate which is coming to Thee. Thy vessel will be destroyed and with her the Planet shall fall. But the Chart will remain forever!"

So it came to pass that Jenny was struck down by an unknown hand, and the Soul of the People returned during the end as the one known as Lawless, and all was revealed. And the Spirit of the Creator and Executive Producer was weakened and cast away, and the Network Force was parted from her. And the Planet was destroyed.

But the Chart remained eternal, just as Alice had said it would.

#### The Seventh Day

And on the Seventh Day, the Spirit of the Creator and Executive Producer made a reality show. "For verily the People who watch scripted TV are far too discerning in their tastes."

And the People rejoiced.


End file.
